


Let Us Wander Where We Will

by Cinaed



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cultural Differences, F/F, Femslash, First Kiss, Fix-It, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4605402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinaed/pseuds/Cinaed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Aredhel turns away from Nan Elmoth, she meets Haleth and learns for herself the curious customs of the Edain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Us Wander Where We Will

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elleth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elleth/gifts).



> I saw this pairing and couldn't resist. I hope you enjoy! We'll just pretend Eöl's mind-whammy powers fail somehow. ...also that the timeline actually works, shhhh. 
> 
> The title comes from "Swallows Travel To and Fro" by Robert Louis Stevenson.

Marry me, Eöl had said, and Aredhel had felt the woods close in around her.

Perched in the fork of a tree not far from Eöl's door, where neither Eöl nor his silent servants would look for her, she considered her choices. Where would she go, if she refused him? She had wandered these woods for so long that she didn’t know if she could find her way out without his assistance. Would a spurned suitor be so courteous?

Even if Aredhel could escape this place, the thought of returning to Gondolin held little pleasure. Turgon’s love and concern for her had been a gilded cage built of brotherly affection. Doubtless, too, he would scold her for not heeding his warning. Had he not said that her wanderings would go ill for her? Once she returned to Gondolin, she knew that Turgon would not let her leave again so easily.

No, she wouldn’t return so soon to her brother’s loving but oppressive care. Yet if she remained here, she would go from one cage to another, for marriage to Eöl would trap her in Nan Elmoth. The woods were beautiful and Eöl seemed kind, but the thought of never again feeling the warm sunlight upon her face was unbearable.

“No,” she said aloud. The stars and forest were beautiful, but dearer still were the faces of her family and friends. She would seek Celegorm out again, perhaps, or find other woods to wander. “No, I shall not be his wife.”

Her decision made, Aredhel leapt from the tree.

The dark seemed less oppressive now that she had made up her mind to escape it. There was a small path that wound away from Eöl’s home, the one she had stumbled upon as she’d tried to find a way out of the deep woods. 

There had been a recent rain; the damp earth dragged at the hem of her dress. Impatient to be gone, Aredhel ignored the mud’s pull and instead marched forward, leaving behind Eöl’s home and all of Nan Elmoth.

 

* * *

 

“Will you not stay?” Celegorm asked her. Huan, his enormous head resting on his paws, sighed in disappointed agreement just beyond him. “Himlad would happily be graced with your presence a while longer.”

Laughing at the half-serious, half-jesting words, Aredhel looked down at him and Curufin from her mount, a white stallion Celegorm had named Uilos. She shook her head. When Uilos shifted beneath her, sensing her restlessness, Aredhel soothed him with a touch to his neck. Returning Celegorm’s smile, she said, “I haven’t wearied of your company, my friends. But I spent too long in Gondolin, enclosed in stone. I would travel under the open sky once more.”

Celegorm bowed his head in acknowledgement. “Then return soon and tell us of your adventures, if it suits you.”

Curufin’s eyes gleamed with wicked humour as he added, “Perhaps you shall stumble upon some new people as Finrod did.”

Celegorm laughed so loudly that Uilos snorted in surprise. “Now there’s a thought! You should visit Estolad and meet these Edain that have so enthralled Finrod. Their home is not so very far from here, to the south.”

When he pointed, Aredhel gazed southward and thought of Nan Elmoth. She had not spoken of Eöl to Celegorm or Curufin. She hadn’t known what to say. Passing out of Nan Elmoth and seeing the blue sky again had filled her with so fierce a joy that she had nearly wept. Now her memory of her time with Eöl seemed shadowed. Though she had never experienced the gift of foresight, she was troubled by the conviction that she had just barely avoided calamity.

“Perhaps I shall,” she said, but when she had left Celegorm and Curufin’s sight, she turned her mount north towards the Fords of Aros.

She had just crossed the river, Uilos unhappy and inclined to balk despite her encouragement, when she heard the sound of far-off voices. Curiosity urged her onward. As she drew closer, she understood a little of their speech, which was Sindarin. Had the wardens ventured out of Doriath?

But when Uilos reached the top of the hill and Aredhel looked down at the group, she saw that they weren’t elves at all.

The men and women who quieted and stared warily at her weren’t dwarves, for they were too tall, but neither were they elves, for Aredhel saw that many amongst them had beards. She remembered Celegorm and Curufin’s jests then, and wondered if these people were some of Finrod’s cherished Edain.

“Well met!” she said in Sindarin. Turgon insisted on speaking Quenya in their household, finding Sindarin ill-pleasing to his ears, but Aredhel had enjoyed learning a new tongue, amused by their similarities and intrigued by their differences. She urged Uilos down the hill at a slow pace, for the wariness in the Edain’s faces hadn’t eased. “I am Lady Aredhel, daughter of Fingolfin and Anairë. Do you seek Estolad? If you do, you are nearly at the end of your journey.”

She was met with silence. Then one woman stepped out from amongst the company. Aredhel could not guess her age, for her handsome face seemed strangely lined, but her dark eyes were less cautious than the others. “Greetings, Lady Aredhel,” she said with a polite nod. “I am Haleth. We have lately come from Estolad, and now go west.”

“West?” Aredhel said in surprise. She remembered the march-wardens’ apologetic looks as they barred her entry, and smiled crookedly. “If you intend to travel through Doriath, you will find yourselves disappointed. The king and queen let no one enter their kingdom.”

Haleth, unsmiling, said, “We desire no aid or guidance from the Eldar. We go west, and if not through Doriath, we shall find other paths.” There was a rumble of agreement from her company, and a few heads nodded.

At first Aredhel took offence at Haleth’s bluntness. Then her anger eased, for she looked closer at Haleth’s stern features and saw in them a reflection of her own fierce pride. She smiled. “I, too, bear little patience for those who would give me advice unasked. I shall not advise you so again.”

Those dark eyes studied Aredhel. At last a faint smile touched Haleth’s mouth. “We were about to eat, if you’re hungry.”

“Thank you,” said Aredhel. She wasn’t hungry, but she would not refuse such hospitality. And she liked the look of Haleth and her people, and wished to know them better. Had Finrod felt so, drawn to this interesting new race? She dismounted Uilos, adding, “And I have foodstuffs of my own that I would be glad to share.”

The meal was simple fare, but nourishing. Used to louder meals with the air filled with arguments, laughter, and song, Aredhel found the silence strange. She might have thought them unfeeling, but here and there she saw signs of affection— a mother smoothing a hand over her young daughter’s hair and smiling in resigned amusement at the stains on the child’s face and hands; a man with his dark hair queerly streaked with silver passing his half-finished portion to a woman round with child; and Haleth, her expression quietly satisfied as she watched her people eat.

When the meal ended, Haleth rose. She looked down at Aredhel. Again came that faint smile. “You are welcome to stay tonight.”

Aredhel didn’t miss the startled looks that some of Haleth’s people wore at the suggestion. She returned the smile. “It just so happens that I travel west as well. Shall we travel together a while?” Remembering their earlier exchange, she laughed and added, “At least until the day comes when I wish to turn left and you would turn right. Then we may part as friends, I hope.” 

“Let it be so,” Haleth said, and offered her hand.

 

* * *

 

Aredhel awoke, wondering what had disturbed her sleep. Then she heard it again, the sound of two people moving together in their tent.

She turned a little against her pillow, stifling a laugh that was both amused and exasperated. Her keen hearing proved a hindrance in times like these. Haleth’s people spoke little, their manner outwardly reserved, but they didn’t withhold affection when in private.

Aredhel started to hum just loud enough to drown out the sounds. The music died on her lips as a woman said, “ _Haleth_.” She sat upright, listening hard now, recognising the voice as Kairan, one of Haleth’s personal guards.

Haleth’s deep voice was amused as she chided, “Hush. You will wake the entire camp.”

Amazement banished all other emotion. For a moment Aredhel was frozen, until the noises which had woken her resumed again. Hastily, her face warming, she began to hum, but the melody was awkward and hoarse, her throat suddenly dry. She cast her mind back, looking over these past few weeks of journeying with the Haladin. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t find anything to suggest that Haleth and Kairan were lovers.

The next day she watched closely, but Haleth treated Kairan no differently than the others. Nothing in Haleth’s handsome face or Kairan’s voice as they spoke together hinted at a mutual tenderness or the fact that they had spent the night together.

Aredhel couldn’t make sense of it. Did Haleth conceal her feelings so well that Aredhel had misunderstood her all these weeks? Or did the Haladin show each other affection without the bindings of a deeper sentiment? The latter thought was strange, but intriguing as well. What would it be like, to enjoy such pleasure without being chained to someone?  

“Does something trouble you?” Haleth asked. When Aredhel blinked down at her, startled by her unexpected nearness, Haleth frowned and stared back.

Aredhel was unused to embarrassment, but now the back of her neck prickled with heat. How long had Haleth been standing there? She shook her head. “No.” Against her better judgement, her gaze turned towards Kairan, who was bent to the task of breaking down a tent.

Haleth’s eyes followed the movement. For a second she continued to frown, then understanding lightened her expression. One corner of her mouth turned up. She made a sound that was the closest thing to a laugh Aredhel had ever heard from her. “Ah. I hope we didn’t disturb your rest.”

“No,” Aredhel said, and then amended for honesty’s sake, “Or at least not enough to matter.”

Amusement lingered in Haleth’s eyes. “I take it we did not offend you? I have little knowledge of elves and their customs.”

Again heat crept into Aredhel’s face. She struggled to find the right words, aware that Haleth watched her closely. If Celegorm and Curufin were here, they would laugh at the sight of her so disconcerted. “I take no offence at your relationship with Kairan. Such things are rare but not unheard of amongst my people. However….”

“However,” Haleth prompted when Aredhel fell silent.

Aredhel laughed wryly. “Now I fear _I_ shall offend! But you and Kairan do not share a tent, as you would if she were like a wife to you.” She hesitated. “Unless that is against your customs?” She knew better than to ask if Haleth and Kairan had been circumspect because of possible offence to Aredhel. 

“Kairan is not my wife,” Haleth said. “I shall have no one ever bind me so.”

Aredhel leaned forward a little, pleased that it had been as she had thought. “I see!” she said. “Most elves do not share their affections so easily. When we love, it is just once and all-consuming.” She remembered Eöl then, and his expression when he had asked her to be his wife. For an instant she felt cold, the sudden sharp bite of it making her shudder, as though it were winter instead of early fall.

She started as Haleth touched her sleeve. Haleth’s expression was reserved, but Aredhel thought there was concern in the furrow of her brow and the press of her fingers against Aredhel’s elbow.

Aredhel forced a smile and said as lightly as she could, “I have witnessed it in others, though not felt it myself. In truth, I feel as you do. Even the bindings of kinship and friendship sometimes weigh too heavily.”

“You will find no chains here,” Haleth said. The corner of her mouth turned upward again. She tilted her head and looked thoughtfully at Aredhel. “Only affection freely given, if you wish.” 

The offer was made in a mild tone. It took Aredhel by surprise. Her heart leapt in her chest. Again she thought of Eöl, how his proposal had felt like a snare and she the wary creature he meant to catch and keep. But Haleth's gaze was steady, her manner easy, and Aredhel knew with a bone-deep certainty that Haleth would take no offence at her refusal. She drew in a breath. Slowly, she asked, “Kairan would not object?”

Haleth snorted, a harsh, inelegant sound. It made Aredhel smile. “As I have said, Kairan is not my wife.” Then she reached out, stopping just before she would've touched Aredhel's cheek. "Well?" 

Aredhel looked at Haleth's hand, wondering at the aborted gesture. Did she think Aredhel would flinch? Did she think Aredhel was _frightened_? Impatient eagerness welled sharp and hot in her chest. She said, "I will come to your tent tonight." Then she brushed aside Haleth's hand and kissed her, heedless of witnesses, caring only for the feel of Haleth's mouth and the satisfied sound Haleth made as she kissed her back.

When they broke apart, Aredhel caught sight of Kairan's amused smile, and Haldan's wooden expression, which reminded her of how her brothers would react to witnessing her kissing someone. At the thought of the way Turgon would frown and Fingon would look torn between amusement and confusion, Aredhel laughed, though it was tinged a little with grief at how Argon would've laughed loudly and grinned. She turned her thoughts away from that loss, focusing on Haleth before her.

This pleasure wouldn't chain her. How could it, when she felt dizzy and as light as air and as though she could grow wings at any moment? She gave in to the temptation to kiss Haleth again, revelling in the sensation. Pressing one more kiss to the corner of Haleth's mouth, she said, "In this, I think, I am happy to be guided. Tonight, then?"

"Tonight," Haleth promised, and smiled.


End file.
